i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
