To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
