Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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