The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
