worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He felt like a one man threesome
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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