you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
