Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
