I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
