Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
