I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We're using joints as your birthday candles
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
