Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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