i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
