Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it was like eating out sand paper
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
