I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my phone needs a breathalizer
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
