ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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