I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize