i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
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Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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