I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
