Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
