We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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