I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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