He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
