it wasn't lemon gatorade
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
