Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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