I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
