apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
