I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
