after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
