I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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