im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize