I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize