if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.