ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.