Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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