she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
