I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
