fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
