it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
