i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
