I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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