Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
