By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
