It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
