Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
