im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
