my mouth tastes like poor choices
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
