atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
