walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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