If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
