Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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