Why are handjobs necessary in class?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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