He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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