I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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