i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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