That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
