dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.