My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.