tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You need Xanax blowdarts
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit