gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
