Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
