Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
