I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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