I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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