One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize