Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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