Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
