I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
