dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
