Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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