dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
