so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
