I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
