I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
