What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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