I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
