I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize