omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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