Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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