He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
