Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You are the jesus of drinking
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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